did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
