Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
