OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
