so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
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Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
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On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize