**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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