If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
