Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
