I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found your dick twin last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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