I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
