He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
