Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
