Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
