I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
