halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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