Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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