I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
