I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
