It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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