she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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