do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
