I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
