it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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