I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Come see our sink grown plant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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