Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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