just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
