I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
