the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
