Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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