hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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