similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
