eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
