remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
