What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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