dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
