It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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