The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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