I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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