so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
