He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
