Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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