i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
