I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
