The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
