she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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