Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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