well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
