i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
foreskin is a definite game changer
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
