There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
