TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
