Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
