six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
