Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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