You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
