and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
