i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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