At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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