i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
