No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
