Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
