just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
