Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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