Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
