Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
