I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
