my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
