why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
