If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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