I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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