I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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