He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
