I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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